On the christmas service ...... and lately.....

just back from the christmas service ..... strangely there were many new faces and not so many familiar faces ..... yeah ... most the people I know are gone already .... either for the vacation or have a new life ..... never felt this lonely during the service ... no warmth and kindness like I used to find in the previous year ..... strage thing too, I didn't really choose my fancy outfit for this occasion .... something that I don't really understand why ....

... some of the things that I hope are impossible to get ... the things that really important to me ... they are simply far away from my hand ..... some are because I did some mistakes in the past .... and yaps, some probably are unrepairable .... some are just I don't know why, because it is just simply out of my hand and logic .... even I tried to reach it as far as I could ..... yaps .... sometimes because of my way is determined by other people .... but yeah ... simply I don't know ..... I can understand why people can lose their faith in something ..... well ........ I don't know if I will understand all of this things ... or just take it as God's mighty mysterious plan which I cannot understand ..... and even sometimes I cannot accept it ... even I have to, since there is nothing else I can do .... just taste it and swallow it ..... yaps ... it hurts .... it hurts .....

Enjoy the holiday people.... probably warm weather in the south can return my common sense ... and I can recover my faith that God still want me to stay here for the next couples of years .... and get through all these things .....

Slipping Through My Fingers - Meryl Streep & Amanda Seyfried
That thing in my heart called feeling for you ... it hasn't gone yet .....